Sunday, March 22, 2009

MC Dubs and the Acid Tongue

Mister Car Wash is super dope! I love going through the express car wash service. It's like a ride at Disneyland, only if you were devoured by a sea serpent during the ride. The entrance is like the mouth and you go in and it's all dark and then the saliva starts dripping all over you and then you go down the espohagus and then the stomach acid starts digesting you and then you're churned out through the intestines and they're just absorbing all of the nutrients from you until you're nothing but a pile of poop until you see the light and you're finally shot out of the colon. Except instead of a big piece of poop, you're in your squeaky clean Toyota Camry.

The closest I've been to getting devoured by a monster was the Back to the Future ride at Universal Studios.

If Mister Car Wash were a rapper, his name would be MC Dubs. And his debut album would be 'Acid Sweat.' Because it sounds like the type of album MC Dubs would release. Also, the album cover would be a picture of Mister Car Wash, but with that neon green sweat from the Gatorade commercials.

Is sweat acidic? I ask because a couple of my shirts have holes in the armpit area. I'm scared that my sweat has slowly been burning holes through all of my shirts. Maybe just my sweat is acidic. Which would be pretty cool. Maybe I'm a superhero and my super power is to have ACID SWEAT! Like a dilophasaurus, but with acid sweat instead of acid spit. I could be a superhero and my name would be Acid Man and my pH would be 2. I'd give protons to those who needed them and my sweat would react with metal carbonates to produce water, CO2 and a salt. If there were a bank robbery, I'd run in and sweat all over everybody, then laugh as my acid sweat burned their skin. Acid Man: Dissolving Your Flesh, One Villain at a Time!

Maybe it's just moths in my closet tearing up all my clothes. I like the idea of having acid sweat better though.

My five-year old sister got her finger caught in a Chinese Finger Trap today. She started freaking out because she couldn't get it off.

My five-year old sister was also scared by a pigeon yesterday. She tried to scare it, but the pigeon said "F that!" and turned it around and started chasing her. (What is it with birds attacking young children?)

My five-year old sister also drew this:

It's a picture of the Jonas Brothers. With the caption "I love Joe!" and a little heart drawn on the side.

If I ever meet Joe Jonas, he's getting a knuckle sandwich. TO THE FACE!

Then I'd probably have to deal with the other two Jonas brothers. But then I'd just give Nick the five-knuckle shuffle. TO THE FACE! And I'd give Kevin a roundhouse kick. TO THE FACE! Then they'd be the No-NOSE Brothers! Oooooooooh... A cold-blooded burrrrrn. That's hot. ICYhot.

Little Mac's got nothing on me.

11 comments:

  1. You take up for your little sister and I'll come bail/bale (?) you out of jail. Joe ain't good enough for her even when she DOES turn 18.

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  2. Jennifer - it's bail.

    You are one funny blogger!!!

    There are trace minerals (and waste) in your sweat, so it IS either acidic or alkaline - - - I'd lean to the acidic side. Maybe one day you can use litmus paper and CHECK IT OUT!

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  3. Never thought of the carwash quite like that, but you are so right!

    I'd bet it is something in your anti-perspirant that causes the holes in your shirt. That stuff damages or stains all my clothes, but who would want to be near me without it?

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  4. I love going through the car wash just for the mini ride in the underwater.

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  5. JO-NOSE BROTHEERS~

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  6. I'm going to the car wash - RIGHT NOW!!!

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  7. heeeeyy...you don't have a toyota camry! Do you...? I don't think so.

    You know you secretly love the Jonas Brothers as well, they're songs are just so damn catchy! haha

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  8. I guess you must be too busy running around and looking for Jonas brothers in order to change their name to write some more on your blog. Hope you find them soon - or change your mind - so you can get back and tell us about it. Or about something else.

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  9. You really need to start writing again. I realllllly need some comic relief. Thanks.

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