In Search of the Almond Croissant

About three to four times a week, I strut into Noble Tree Cafe on Clark Street and order myself a delicious Mexican mocha and a delectable almond croissant. It's starting to become my "thing." In a few weeks, I was hoping I'd be able to go up to the barista and say "Hey, Pierre, how's the family? Still alive, I hope? AHAHAHAHA! Just give me the usual, Pierre." Pierre wouldn't laugh. He'd just give me this icy stare. But Pierre would also know that "the usual" is code for my delicious Mexican mocha and delectable almond croissant. I've been working my way up to that.

Unfortunately, that dream has been slammed against a brick wall and tossed into a wood chipper. I strutted into Noble Tree on Monday and saw that they had some new pastries. Some weird coffee cake thing with walnuts. A glazed strawberry filled pretzel. Scones. I went up to the counter and asked the guy if they were any good.

"Yeah, they're pretty good. I had some coffee cake this morning and I think you'll like it. We just switched bakeries this morning so we're getting a bunch of new pastries."

I nodded my head and smiled.

"What, so no more almond croissats? AHAHAHAHA!"

He didn't laugh.

"Actually, yeah."

And just like that, Pierre ripped my heart out and tossed it into the garbage disposal. My plans of being a "regular" and ordering "the usual" vanished. POOF! So I got the coffee cake, hoping it would replace my beloved almond croissant. Nope. It wasn't just moist. It was wet. I could see a puddle of melted butter surrounding the cake. Just looking at it raised my cholesterol.

Now I am on a quest, friends. A quest to find a suitable replacement for the almond croissant I once loved. A golden-brown flaky bottom crust that is crunchy yet fragile. A light, fluffy top shell, sprinkled with powdered sugar and sliced almonds. A rich, creamy interior filled with whatever sticky nectar they put in almond croissants. A suitable replacement for the almond croissant I lost, a dessert crafted by Hephaestus, powdered with beauty by Aphrodite, moistened by Poseidon's trident, then finally being transformed into a food-substance by Zeus himself. Truly the dessert of the gods.

I've tried two places this week and both have failed to live up to the expectations put forth by Noble Tree's almond croissant.

The first place was La Patisserie P which is located in the Vietnamese section of Chicago. It was crazy! They had all sorts of restaurants and shops with the signs in Vietnamese and I think there were people selling roosters in the street, but I could have just been hoping that they were. La Patisserie P is a Vietnamese French-style bakery. I don't know how that works, but it does. It's a tiny bakery, but the walls are lined with all sorts of pastries! Cakes, scones, croissants, rolls, pretzels, pies. The sweet smell wafted out into the street, but once I entered, the aroma of fresh baked goods overtook me and I almost ended up buying one of each pastry in there. I managed to force myself to only purchase an almond croissant, but I'm definitely going to be returning to try other things.

Despite La Patisserie P's impressive presentation, the almond croissant was only alright. I mean, it was good, but once you've tasted perfection it's difficult to go back.

I had worse luck at Austria Bakery and Deli. Walking in, I got the sense that something wasn't quite right. An Austrian bakery trying to recreate French cuisine? But then again, La Patisserie P was a Vietnamese bakery trying to recreate French cuisine. There was something off about Austrian Bakery and Deli though. It might've been the red and white motif they choose for their bakery. Everything in the place was red. Or white. Or a combination of red and white.

I think it was the name. It wasn't Austrian Bakery. It was Austrian Bakery AND Deli. The restaurant was trying to conquer two markets! They say you shouldn't put your eggs in one basket and I'm sure those Austrians were trying to diversify their portfolio, but almond croissants are delicate entities. If you don't put all of your effort into making them, then you might as well not even try. At least, that's what I imagine it's like to make them. I wouldn't know. I've never made one.

The croissant itself looked more like a pop tart than a croissant. A pop tart filled with a gooey chocolate liquid that looked like tar. If I want to blacken my teeth, Austrian Bakery and Deli, I'll go smoke cigarettes. I don't want tar in my almond croissants. Disgusting.

It actually wasn't too bad, but the chocolate tar was too sweet. If it had been replaced with dark chocolate, it would've been acceptable, but alas, life doesn't always hand you the perfect almond croissant. And sometimes it does, but then it takes it away.

But I will press on! I will find that perfect almond croissant. And when I do, friends, I will be sure to let you know.

Fritz Pastry is next. Let's hope I find perfection there.