"Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion, man."

Sometimes I feel boring. Not in the sense that I have nothing to say. More like I only really say things that are safe or predictable. Nothing outlandish or outrageous or interesting. I agree with people a lot, even if I really don't. I guess I just want people to like me and I feel like disagreements will cause rifts in relationships.

At my sister's eighth birthday party this past year, I spent two hours listening to my aunt's husband go on about how Obama was ruining this country and why pansy ass liberals are going to lead to our downfall. I never told him that a) I was a pansy ass liberal and b) I voted for Obama. I just nodded my head and continued to shovel chocolate cake into my face, periodically interjecting the conversation with "Oh, yeah!" and "Oh, no…" and "Oh, Obama."

Maybe boring isn't the right word. Distilled? Filtered? I'll make wise cracks and witty comments. But they never really add anything to the conversation. They're always safe comments. Like "Oh no you didn't!" Comments that ease over any tension and keep the conversation light and fluffy. Like Cool Whip.

There's this stand up bit, I'm not really sure who performs it, but he's ripping on politicians for being anti-cancer or anti-poverty. Might be Louis C.K. I don't remember the specifics. The punchline is something along the lines of "Is anyone really PRO-cancer?!" But he says it in a funnier way. I feel like I'm that politician. I hardly take a stand on issues when they're being discussed.

Unless it's food. There's this place on Broadway that just opened up. It's called Brazilian Bowl and they serve traditional Brazilian cuisine. Mother fuckers took FORTY MINUTES to get me two pieces of cheese bread. The dude said eight minutes. If he had said it would've taken forty minutes, I would've been like "Eh, no thanks." But because this asshole had to make that extra $1.29, he lied to me. I will not tolerate being lied to in restaurants. Honesty is the third-most important trait I look for in a food establishment. Two stars, Brazilian Bowl. Three for the cheese bread, negative one for LIES.

But whatever. I'm the anti-cancer guy. Anti-poverty dude. Pro-puppies man. I take the safest route in the conversation and to prevent it from getting too boring, I'll pepper in little witticisms. I suppose I'm scared of two things: a) that people will judge me for my opinions and consequently not like me and b) that I'll have a wrong opinion. But if option a) is the case, I shouldn't want to be associated with those types of people. Right? And if option b) is the case, well, then I'll just get informed and change (or not change) my opinion accordingly. Right?

Right?

If you go through my past blog entries, you'll find that in most of them, I don't really say anything substantial. It might be funny or slightly interesting, but it's not captivating or riveting or particularly informative. Safe. It's all safe. It's all bland. I'm Quaker oatmeal. And I love oatmeal because it keeps me regular, but sometimes I want to be Panang curry or lasagna pizza (quick side-note: lasagna pizza is a real thing and a) it is exactly what it sounds like and b) it is amazing. You can get it at Dimo's Pizza on Clark along with a healthy dose of TRUTH). I want to be different. Bold. Pepsi. The choice of a new generation.

The closet I've come to expressing a personal opinion that might not be viewed favorably happened during my freshmen year of college when the HR4437 bill was being voted on. And then I got a couple of negative comments and I got butt hurt over them and I made my Xanga private and haven't made another political post since. And not just with blogs. I hardly tell anyone what I think about most topics. With the exception of Delma, but I think that's more because we sleep in the same bed and when I start falling asleep, I'll mumble stuff like "I don't agree with Obama's foreign policy." And she'll be all like "Shut up, I'm trying to sleep!"

How's that working out for me, you ask? It's a sound strategy. I don't have any enemies that I know of. People like me. They accept me and tolerate me.

But I feel boring. I'm not pushing myself. And this definitely applies to improv as well. Most of my characters are safe and apologetic and people don't want to see that on stage. They want to see people with strong opinions who know where they stand in this world. And when you get two of those people on stage, it's a fun scene in which you don't have to do any heavy lifting.

So. Here's an opinion. I don't like the fact that you can't be on your parent's insurance once you turn 26. I had to pay $200 to get a wisdom tooth pulled because I got a tooth infection two weeks after my birthday instead of two weeks before. So if I had gotten a Tostitos chip stuck in my tooth a month earlier, I wouldn't have had to pay for the surgery or anesthetic or hydrocodone.

Granted, I didn't pay for it anyway. My dad bailed me out. But STILL. I don't like it, Obama. I don't like it at all.

This is a lot longer than I thought it was going to be. I need to work on that too. Being concise and using fewer words. Whatever. I'm going to make carrot-orange-kale juice.