/drəNGk/

Wine is delicious. Wine is... All of the positive adjectives. I can't think of them right now. I'm typing coherently, but if you asked me to spell it out for you, I'd say "Wineisdelishur." Because it's true. And because I'm drunk.

Yes. I am drunk. Yes, I had half a I had 3/4ths a bottle of wine with my salmon and tuna sushi rolls. I filled my glass to the brim because I thought one glass meant one full glass and I was all like "If most wine bottles contain 4-5 glasses of wine, why is this bottle nearly empty after one?"

This is probably a bad idea. Blogging while drunk, I mean. But so far, hey, zero typos!

I once did drunk improv. In college. It was one of the most fun improv experiences I've ever had, but apparently, it wasn't as much fun for the audience. My pants came off. My boxers did not. But they almost did. Had I had one more Jagerbomb, they most certainly would have. Delma was in the front row and she freaked out.

I don't drink Jager anymore because I once finished an entire handle of Jager by myself while playing Pokémon cards withs my cousins. I played Mewtwo and then woke up curled around the toilet with the wastebasket filled with vomit.

I want more of that malbec I bought. Is malbec a type of wine? I don't know. It says malbec on the bottle. It's red.

I'm not much for wine tasting. Or palettes in general. People will be all like "I taste hints of earthy cinnamon and singed oak with just a hint of truffle oil smothered with vanilla" and I'll be all like "I TASTE RED."

I just laughed for a minute straight at "I TASTE RED." I hope you did too.

Guys. Guys guys guys. These are the drunks ramblings of Alfonso Zapata. Alf Zap.

I went to the Museum of Contemporary Art today and I thought WHat is this shit? Honestly, I don't "get" it. But when I go to the art institute, I can appreciate the art, you know? I like it. Most of the stuff that's contemporary kinda sucks.

Except for this film of a dude riding the railroad through Alaska. That was sick. I wish I could travel likethat, but I'd freak out too much about my morning anxiety.

Morning anxiety? More like MOURNING anxiety, am I right, ladies?

ALSO, if it's CONTEMPORARY, why is it DONE?

I was thinking of using that as a stand-up joke, but it's kinda stupid. So I won't. But I wanted to share it. So I'm sharing it with you. Boom.

I don't know how long I'm going to make this post. I think I've been writing for half an hour. The laundry is being done. I put my boxers in there. I never realized how many boxers I got, but I gots lots.

I hope this is as enjoyable to read as it is to write.

Who was is that said "Write drunk, edit sober?" Was it Hemingway? Maybe. Maybe not. I DON'T KNOW, STOP PESTERING ME, JESUS.

I think about Delma a lot. I love her. A lot. This isn't just the malbec talking (seriously, is malbec a type of wine? I need to know). These past few months have been rough. I've been keeping myself super busy with work and reading and writing and stand-up, but it's not the same. Every night, when I go to bed, I think about her. I miss holding her. Every night, when she was here, I'd wrap my arms around her and kiss her neck. Then we'd just lay there until we fall asleep. And, every night, without fail, I'd have to wake up and move my arms because they'd be numb, but it was ok.

I know what you're thinking.

But whatever. I'm drunk off that malbec. Purple drank. Cus a malbec is a wine made frim purple grapes. Am I right, ladies?

ANYWAYS, I miss her. And I want to be with her.

But things (that originally said "butt things") are going great here in Chi-town. The job is better than I could have imagined. We're already pitching TV spots! What the hell?! We're in a great position to make shit happen. You know? In fact, we've already sold some radio. Here. Check it.

The stuff I do now will help me in the future. Also, I never thought I'd enjoy a job this much. It's ridiculous. We get paid to make people laugh. Seriously. It's awesome.

So there's that.

I will porbably be hungover tomorrow. But tonight, I am fine. I am more than fine.

I don't know. I'm tired of blogging. I just want to play Zelda while drinking more wine. It's Saturday night and I am already too much.

Airing out dirty laundry while doing real laundry. Blogging about shit I shouldn't be blogging about. I might regret this tomorrow.

Have a good Saturday night. Read this wile you can cus I'll probably take it down tommorrow morning.

Intern? More like MANtern.

Guys. GUYS. Listen to me. I'm trying to tell you something.

I'm about to enter week nine of my internship and things have been totes cray cray, y'all. I've worked two straight weekends and my "normal" leaving time is 8:15pm (latest I've stayed is 10:17pm). I'm constantly tired and I'm slightly malnourished because I'm not eating properly.

But I am loving this. My entire life (all 27 years of it), my goal has been to get paid to be funny/witty and, man, am I doing that here. Lots of funny scripts, lots of funny lines, lots of fart jokes. It's not all farts and games as I do have to actually write serious copy every now and then, but I got super lucky and found my niche very early into this internship.

See?

Am I going to get offered a job?

I dunno.

I hope so.

But at the same time, I don't hope so.

Delma's moving back to Houston once our lease ends in September. For several reasons. It just makes sense for the both of us at this time. If I do end up with a job, it's not fair to Delma that I stay until 8pm every night (and most weekends I'm so exhausted that all I want to do is sleep). She really misses her family. It'll be better for us financially.

It doesn't make it any easier though.

I've met some people from UT during this internship so I now have connections at a couple agencies in Austin. I've been considering trying to find a job down there, but the stars aligned perfectly where I'm at right now.

I've always talked about wanting to work at Barton F Graf 9000 or Wexley School for Girls because all they do is funny stuff. Every single one of the ads those places put out is hilarious and it's the kind of work I'd love to do.

But if I can do that work here and I like the people I'm working with and I love Chicago, why not make the most of it? I can create hilarious stuff for my portfolio so that when I do start looking for work in Austin in a year or so, I can say "Hey, this is the work I like to do and it's what I'm good at. Sure, you can have me writing copy for pancreatic cancer brochures, but there are a ton of people out there who are better at that than I am. Let me write some poop jokes for you. We'll both enjoy it. I promise."

I dunno. Life choices. Divergent paths. Stuff of that nature.

But the good news is that I'm down to 153 pounds! This is like the lightest I've been since freshmen year. Of high school. It might be the whole me being malnourished thing, but it also might be the fact that I'm biking to work every day. Rain or shine.

Let's hear it for bikes! Yay, bikes!

Sometimes though, I wish I could have my bike and eat it too...