It's SUPER DYNAMIC COOKING TIME!

Oh, man, I'm watching this spanish talk show and it's getting intense! The name of it is "Jose Luis: Sin Censura" which roughly translates to "Jose Luis: WIthout Censors!" Let me fill you guys in:

So Yolanda found a pink thong on the floor of her bathroom. But she doesn't wear thongs (or the color pink)! Uh oh... So Anibal, her boyfriend, comes out and Yolanda goes crazy! I mean, she's pulling off Chun-Li moves, bombarding her boyfriend with kicks amidst a flurry of curse words like "Puto!" and "Culo!" and "Pinche!" because she assumes that he's sleeping with someone else, y'know? But it doesn't end there. Anibal is like "I've never seen those in my life! But I know who they belong to... I bet my best friend planted them there because YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH HIM!" And so the best friend, Carlos, comes out and he's all "How dare you accuse me of that, I'm a married man!" and they started doing the whole fisticuffs thing. So they're brawling and calling each other mean names when Jose Luis is like "Let's bring out the owner of the pink thong!" and the whole crowd goes wild and it gets craaaazy because some girl comes out and she's like "I'M SLEEPING WITH CARLOS!" and Yolanda starts punching her for no reason! I mean, she's not sleeping with Anibal, but then Jose Luis is like "Have you no shame in sleeping with a married man?" and the girl says "No, I have no shame!" and immediately a bucket of water falls from the ceiling and she gets soaked.

I have no idea what's going on now because it took me a long time to type the previous paragraph, but this show is awesome.

I rented Street Fighter 4 over the weekend. That game is almost as intense as "Jose Luis: Without Censors!" Almost. There's this new character and he's just the bee's knees! He's a Mexican wrestler and his name is El Fuerte, but get this... He also has dreams of becoming the world's top chef! It's like they put me into a Street Fighter game! Check it:



JUST like me. Right down to the pecs. Also, he's five foot six! And I really want to embrace this character. I want to be able to go into a Street Fighter IV tournament and take everyone out with a Mexican character. Maybe even do an El Fuerte cosplay someday... But I can't because:
a) I suck. Like, I really suck. I was trying to do a Hadoken as Ryu and I just kept crouching and jumping for about ten seconds, trying to pull it off. Finally, when I was just a Sonic Boom away from being KO'ed, I did it! I did the Hadoken! Unfortunately, Guile just jumped over it and punched me and the match was over.
b) He sucks. Well, he doesn't suck. He's actually really fun to play because his style of fighting is one of the most annoying things I've ever witnessed and I just love being annoying in games. He runs up to the enemy, attacks, runs away, and then runs back, attacks, and then runs away again. But he does very little damage. And he takes a lot of damage. I was fighting Zangief (this big hairy Russian dude that drinks vodka and wrestles bears) and the damage that I did in thirty seconds of fighting, Zangief did in two. TWO.
The upside is that, as much as I suck, my roommate sucks even more. And he gets REALLY into fighting games. Like, really emotionally invested. He gets so angry when he loses. In fact, he got so angry yesterday that he set some cookies on fire. I'm not even kidding. He turned the oven on and nuked them and there were flaming cookies in the oven and I had to get the fire extinguisher to put them out. It was total baller. Except for the smell.

And not only am I masked luchador like El Fuerte, but I also enjoy cooking. I just started this semester, but I think I'm doing alright. I can make a mean breakfast burrito. It's not as mean as the Angry Whopper, but my breakfast burrito will, at the very least, call you names like "Piggy." And it's delicious. I've also tried red-chicken curry, baked crusted tilapia, turkey burgers, and peanut-glazed chicken. And when I say "I've also tried," I mean that I bought the stuff and Delma cooked most of it.

But I can make a mean, mean breakfast burrito.

If you're wondering why I've doing so many Mexican things as of late (watching trashy Mexican talk shows, playing as Mexican characters, and cooking Mexican food), it's because I feel that I need to get back to my heritage. Why? Because last week at work, my boss called and told me to act as a translator between her and her mechanic. All I managed to get through was something about the brakes and I didn't know the Spanish term for "spark plugs" so I said "espark ploogs." I think the guy got what I was trying to say, but it made me realize that I have terrible, terrible Spanish and I want to try to be able to speak my language better and connect with my roots. Embrace my Mexican heritage. Once I embrace that, then it'll be easier to embrace my Salvadorean heritage. Unless my Mexican heritage gets really angry and starts hating on my Salvadorean side. But then my Salvadorean side will just make some pupusas and the Mexican side will get all happy because they'll be delicious and then all will be good.

Hasta luego, amigos.