Puppy Peepee Power

I'm in my differential equations class, sitting in the back row, looking cool with my Vans on (but they look like sneakers). The TA is talking about second order linear differential equations. I care not for differential equations. I care for the finer things in life, like smores and Shiner Bock and Pokémon cards. But, here I am, half-paying attention, half-writing a blog.

I've been wanting to write for a while. Really! Honest. But I've been terribly busy. It's a hard knock life being an engineer. Homework everyday with no time to write. Only time for engineering things, the occasional work-out session, and my new puppy.

What's that you say? New puppy?!
That's what I say, new puppy.



Oh, sure, she may look all cute and sweet, but don't let her eyes fool you. She's a pee machine. She pees EVERYWHERE. Sometimes, when I take her out to pee, she'll go, and then as soon as we come back inside, she'll go again. I don't understand how something so small can hold so much urine. You should see her when she pees. It's like a flood! It just doesn't stop.

She pees for EVERYTHING! I get home? Pssssst. I give her food? Psssssst. I call her name? Psssst. I get up from my chair. PSSSSSSSSSST! And her favorite spot to pee on is the kitchen. I have to clean up pee in the kitchen like five times a day.

"What's that liquid under the fridge? Is the fridge leaking- OH GOD IT'S WARM!"
"Why is there water on the floor in front of the sink? Did I spill some when I was washing the dis-OH JESUS IT'S YELLOW!"
"Why is there a puddle by the oven? Is the chicken juice spilling-AHHH IT'S PEE!"

And it's not enough for her to just pee, oh nooo. No, she knows it's bad for her to pee in the apartment so what does she do? She rolls over. Right onto the puddle of pee. The rolling over is supposed to be a submissive gesture. Like she's saying "I know I messed up, please don't hurt me!" And it's so cute, that you immediately forget all about the pee. Until you bend down to pick her up and get a HANDFUL OF PEE-COVERED FUR EW GROSS!

Also, she tore up my receipts. And her poops smell.

But she likes my cooking.

What's that you say? Cooking?
That's what I say, cooking.

I've been cooking for myself lately. Well, for us. Vicki and myself. I always let her have a little of what I make. I know you're not supposed to do that cus then puppies have LIQUID POOP and squirt it all over the place, but she's so cute that I just can't not share.

I'm starting with little things. Frozen pasta with chicken. Turkey burgers with my George Foreman Grill. Ham quesadillas. Simple things that don't require too much effort. I'm getting the hang of it and I'm really starting to like it. I'm also discovering what works (pepperjack cheese with smoked turkey paninis) and what doesn't (spicy sausage ravioli with pesto sauce). I'm slowly starting to work my way up with the cooking. This week I made:



Yeah, that's right, suckas. Steak with POKEMON macaroni and cheese. Vicki loved the steak. She spent the entire evening chewing on the bone. Then she peed on it.

It doesn't always work out, though. This morning, my sausage and egg taquitos fell apart! I blame the tortillas.

Next week I'm going to start experiment with seafood. Maybe shrimp quesadillas. Maybe grilled salmon. I'm going to start making extravagant dishes and every time I add a spice of herb I'm going to shout "BAM!"

BAAAAAM!