Dear Spring, YOU SUCK!

Spring is here. Springy springy spring. With its blossoming trees and warm weather and showers that bring flowers. Girls start wearing skirts and boys start saying "Say, girl, say!" and animals start having babies. Ah, spring. Some people say it's the most beautiful season of all.

I hate it. The flowers, the trees, the "Say, girl, say!" I hate it all. Winter is the perfect season. It's cold. You can drink hot mochas, there's Christmas and snow, you get to wear track jackets and hoodies, and (what's most importantly) there's no pollen. No clouds of yellow dust. No tree sperm. No need to wear those SARS masks. Winter is beautiful. The worst thing about winter is the cold and that can easily be fixed with a sweater, a hoodie, and a big poofy jacket.

How can you fix spring? You can't. There's no way you can stop the trees from letting loose their seed into the air. You can't stop the animals from doing it. Just the other day, I saw a pair of squirrels going at it on the sidewalk. The sidewalk! Of all places! Why not up in the trees, squirrels? So indecent. You also can't stop the sun from heating up everything, forcing you to wear less clothing.

And of course, since it was cold during winter, you ate more to fatten up. Gotta gain some blubber to stay warm, right? But now it's hot, and you can't hide that extra fat with a hoodie, and if you TRY, then the suns all like "I'll show you!" and you get to your writing class all sweaty and with big ole pit stains under your armpits and you're fifteen minutes late. So it's either that or wear less clothing so that everyone can see yo' big ole belly.

I probably wouldn't mind it so much if I wasn't so allergic to pollen, but I am and there's pollen everywhere and my eyes are itchy and I have a runny nose and my sinuses are acting up and I hate the world. I went to the doctor and he gave me Allegra D, but all it does is give me this weird feeling in my throat because the pill is the size of a quarter. And my shirts don't hide my paunch. My hoodies did, but now I can't wear them because it's too hot and now I can't even wear white t-shirts because I'll STILL sweat and it'll leave this weird, yellowish stain on my armpits.

Thanks, spring.

It's not so bad here in Chicago, but I went back to Houston last week for my sister's birthday and maaaaaaan, all the cars are yellow because of the pollen. It's ridiculous. I got off the plane and immediately sneezed three times and spent most of my time in H-town indoors. When I had to go outside, I would cover my face with a Houston Texans t-shirt (which I would also use to wipe the snot hanging off my nose). And my eyelids started swelling! That's a new symptom and I hate it. Hate it hate it hate it. I look like this little guy:



On the plus side, I got to see my family and Delma! I also got to eat delicious food. Delicious, delicious food. BBQ, Whataburger, kolaches, Croissant Brioche... The only thing missing was Mexican food, but I'm going back in a month to take care of that.

I miss Texas. I'm not as homesick as I thought it would be, mainly because I'm doing what I want to be doing and because Chicago is kick-ass awesome. But there are some mornings when I'll wake up and expect to hear Kayla banging on my door asking me to color with her or Oreo barking and then when I realize I won't hear those things, I get a little sad. Like "Oh, right... They're not here."

I blame spring.