Super Stitchin'

I woke up this morning at 9:06 AM. I usually wake up around 7 AM, but I didn't fall asleep until 2. No real reason. Just one of those nights where you can't shut your brain off, you know? I got into bed at midnight and listened to Delma make those weird smacking sounds she makes when she's in that deep REM sleep. It's weird. I mean, my dog barks in her sleep, but with Delma, it sounds like she's eating taffy in her sleep. It doesn't keep me up or anything. Just one of her quirks.

Despite dating for over four years now, I honestly hadn't noticed until she started working at Allstate this past summer. Because she has to get up mad early to avoid traffic, she goes to bed at 9PM. You know, after she rubs Icyhot on her joints and removes her dentures. Because she's an old lady now.

I've never gone to sleep before 11PM. Not even in elementary school. My family is nocturnal, you see, so we are most productive during the witching hour. Regardless, I usually hop into bed around midnight because otherwise I stay awake till the sun comes up and then I don't wake up until well after Mcdonald's stops serving breakfast.

So I woke up at 9:06 AM this morning. I rolled over and rubbed my eyes and stretched out in bed. My dog hopped onto the bed and curled up next to me and I wanted to go back to sleep, but I didn't. Being unemployed and broke kinda drains you of your motivation. You want to do stuff, but you can't because you have no money. And you want to make money, but you can't because you have no job. And you want to get a job, but it's kinda pointless because you're going to start school in a few weeks. So you're in this weird sort of limbo where you just sit on the futon and try to watch all of the Starz stuff on Netflix before it's taken down.

As it is now the first of March, all of the Starz content is officially off of Netflix. This means no more Party Down for me. I made myself a cup of coffee and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and sat on the futon. I use natural peanut butter and organic raspberry preserves. On whole grain bread with no high-fructose corn syrup. I'm health conscious, son.

After that first delicious bite of my PB&J sammich, I sat back and said "Rabbit rabbit." Although, truth be told, it sounded more like "FRAFFIF FRAFFIF" because I was still chewing. It's the first of the month. I saw this on Nickolodeon a long, long time ago. Stick Stickly told me. Remember him?

Stick Stickly. You could write to him. At PO Box 963. New York City. New York State. 10108. If you grew up with basic cable, you probably remember him. He was the host of a series of shows on Nickolodeon and, during commercials, he always had bits of trivia and little jokes to tell. One of those trivia bits was that if you say "rabbit, rabbit"on the first of the month, you will be granted good luck for the rest of the month. The catch is that it has to be the first words out of your mouth. I never actually managed to do it because I would always forget and by the time I remembered, I'd have spouted something stupid like "MOM I DON'T WANT EGGS I WANT PANCAKES GOSH!" But today I remembered. I didn't say it immediately upon waking up, but because I have no one to talk to aside from my dog, I don't usually say anything for hours. Hours. But I said it and now I'm going to have good luck for the month of March.

I'm very superstitious. I don't step on cracks. I constantly pick up pennies, but only if they're face up. Me persino all the time. I'm not sure how to translate that. You know how Catholics make the sign of the cross with their hand? Like, they cross themselves and then kiss their hands whenever they're scared? I do that a lot. I know it's more of a religious thing than a superstitious thing, but I still do it.

Delma thinks it's stupid, but I'm not the one who smacks in my sleep, so... Oftentimes, we'll be walking down the sidewalk and she'll ask why I'm walking funny and I'll tell her I'm avoiding the cracks and she'll say nothing because she thinks it's stupid. I also stay the hell away from ladders. No way I'm going under them. Being in a bustling, bustling city, it's a common occurrence to run into a ladder put up against the wall because people are always painting or building stuff or tearing stuff apart or whatever. I always make sure to leave at least five feet between myself and any ladder.

It's not like I have bad luck or anything. I mean, maybe I do, but then maybe all of the precautionary measures I take prevent me from being hit by the 22 bus or something, you know? Maybe I have normal luck and all the lucky breaks I've experienced have been because of the good luck I picked up from those routines. Maybe that lucky penny I found on Broadway and Belmont prevented Delma from being a girl who snores and only made her a girl who smacks. You can never be totally sure...