It's not a bad drive. There aren't any confusing turns or dangerous areas that we drive through. We have a few favorite stops that we get excited about whenever we make the trip. Texarkana has the best Chick-Fil-A we've ever been to (in a strip mall next to a burger joint called Brick House). Sikeston has a cafe where they throw rolls at you (the last time we stopped there, Delma caught a roll from 20 yards away). There's a gigantic convenience store called Boomland that sells all sorts of kitschy shit in Charleston (they also sell fireworks, hence the name).
It's long, though. The drive. Nineteen hours in the confined space of a Toyota Matrix. When you're that close with someone for that long, the conversations can run deep. And when that someone is your significant other of five years, deep conversations can turn to the future. And when the both of you realize that you have conflicting views for the future, deep conversations can become heated. Smoldering, even. These conversations usually end with the driver's mascara running and the passenger sitting with his arms crossed, pouting.
We've had this conversation before and we'll have it again. Every time, Delma asks why. Why Chicago? Why do I want to stay so bad? Every time, I give the same answers.
It's an awesome city.
There's so much to do.
There are better job opportunities here.
Expected.
Typical.
Clichéd.
After school ended, I had two weeks to kill before we left for Texas. Two weeks to explore this awesome city and discover more about it to love. You know what I did? I stayed in my apartment with the blinds closed and played Resident Evil 4. Not Resident Evil 6, which was just released a couple months ago. Resident Evil 4. A game that came out in 2004. A game that I've beaten over a dozen times.
It's a great game, but to quote Delma… Why? Why didn't I take advantage of that time to find out more about Chicago? To do all of the awesome things there are to do here? If I really loved this city, I'd throw myself into its bowels with reckless abandon and work my way back, enjoying every twist and turn of Chicago's intestines, poking and prodding every one of its internal organs, mingling with the digested food that is the people of this city. Why.
Because those aren't the reasons I want to stay.
The reason that I want to stay isn't even a reason to stay. It's a reason to not leave.
If I leave Chicago, it will mean that I have failed in what I set out to do. Going back will mean admitting defeat. Telling the world, "Hey, guys, I couldn't hack it." Doesn't matter if that's true or not. Even if these past three years have been some of the most successful and rewarding times of my life, others will chalk it up as just another bullet point in Alfonso's long list of failures.
But it's not like that. I tried. I really did. Classes and workshops and auditions and shows upon shows upon shows. I could have tried harder, sure. I could have networked better. I could have gone to shows more often. But improv in Chicago just never really felt as natural as it did in Houston. Despite the dozens and dozens of auditions I went to, I only had one call-back. I made ONE team (RECESS) annnnd… It sucked. Doing improv with strangers isn't as fun as doing it with close friends.
And honestly? I don't really care about improv all that much anymore. It's weird how infatuated you can be with something for years and then simply fall out of love with it (Delma worries about this a lot, but as long as she keeps that hot bod, I'll stay with her forever). I was ready to get an improv tattoo on my forearm a year ago. Now? I haven't seen a show in months. I haven't done any improv since the summer. And I don't really care.
So then what's the point of not leaving?
Chicago is still a wonderful city. I love it here. I like the snow. The lake. The pizza. The people (for the most part). And, yes, there are a more job opportunities here than Houston or even Austin. But there's no real reason to stay other than "I LIKE IT."
In fact, there are plenty of reasons to go. Family. The warmth. BBQ. No state income tax (that's a big reason).
As recently as a couple months ago, Delma and I were discussing which neighborhood we were going to live in next (we were thinking Ravenswood or Roscoe Village). And Delma loves her job at All State. Maybe we'll decide to stay for a bit longer. Or maybe we'll decide to move to Kentucky for some reason. Who knows? It doesn't matter. We both have our preferences, but as long as we make this decision together, it'll work out.
We'll see.
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