Snitches Get Twitches

The middle of my forehead won't stop twitching. I mean, it'll stop sporadically. The muscle in the middle of my forehead will twitch hardcore for forty minutes or so, then take a short break and resume twitching once it's ready for some more cardio. I've stared at it in the bathroom mirror and it's the weirdest thing. It looks like there's a pill bug embedded in my face and it's constantly rolling and unrolling, rolling and unrolling.

I'm a twitchy guy. Like, yeah, I'm anxious and nervous a lot of the time, but I am literally a twitchy guy. There's rarely a day that goes by where some part of my body does not twitch. A couple of weeks ago it was my right eyebrow. Not my eyelid, although that's one of the more common twitches. My eyebrow. And it was really annoying. Twitches are never comfortable, but some are more bearable than others. Eyebrow twitches are some of my least favorite twitches.

Caffeine might play a part of the twitchiness. Some alleged scientists say that it's allegedly caused by sleep deprivation. Others say that twitching happens because of stress. But you know what I think? I'll tell you what I think. I think twitching is a curse passed on from person to person. I caught it from Todd Dahl in the 7th grade. We were sitting in English reading The Crucible or Lord of the Flies or something when he leaned over and pointed to his right eyelid.

"I can't stop twitching, man."

It was true. His right eyelid was spasming and convulsing uncontrollably. There were times when it was shaking real crazy, like when you place a plastic cup in front of your subwoofer and crank up the bass and it just vibrates across the desk. That kind of crazy.

That night, as I was beating the crap out of some polynomial division, I felt it. My right eyelid. It twitched. It only twitched for a couple of seconds, but there was no doubt about it. My right eyelid had twitched. The same day that Todd Dahl showed me his twitching eyelid.

Since then, it's only gotten worse and spread to most of my body. I've had my forearm twitch. All different muscles in my back. My butt cheeks. Hell, I've even had my pectoral muscles twitch. It's pretty cool actually because it's like I'm doing that bouncy boob muscle thing that the Rock does. About the only body parts that haven't twitched are my feet and I'm betting that they'll start twitching in a matter of days.

It's a curse, I tell you.

It has exposed me to some muscles that I had no idea existed though. Did you know that there are 77 muscles in your back? I'm fairly sure that I have felt every single one of my back muscles twitch at one point or another. I always thought that back was just one big blob of muscle and flesh, but I suppose that doesn't make sense.

Sadly, friends, now that I have explained my being cursed with twitching, you are now cursed with twitching. That's how it gets passed on, I think. Or maybe I have to actually show you my twitches for you to get the curse? I'm not sure. I think it's the former because my sister texted me that her eyelid wouldn't stop twitching a few weeks back and then, later that night, my eyelid started twitching.

Tonight, your left pinky will begin convulsing. Calling it now, homie.